- Sur le sujet de la difference - Sobre el sujeto de la diferencia - On the subject of being different
- August 7th, 2013
Of course all of these times of thought are usually triggered by a dose of caffeine usually at midday, sometimes afternoon but actually today I have one in the morning. There's a creeping sensation as I watch time transpire, and suddenly leisure time creeps past ten, eleven and twelve, one in the morning. And my mind begins to grind stubbornly and refuses rest, my body overheating - unwilling to prepare itself for repose.
Then I do something to ease to boredom, and look at a few photographs, how other people are doing. Knots then, begin to form in the pit of my stomach. And they tighten and clench, and my stomach writhes and my mind like a hysterical bystander begins to churn faster.
A simple photo representation of someone having fun, someone enjoying an overseas trip, someone popular and outgoing who has lost weight is suddenly a crushing blow to the ego. Well they may have had money, been a good socialiser, very outing but at least they were fat. And now they're not. And what have I got? But then, I was perfectly fine before I saw this.
The realisation of a self that is flesh and human, functioning returns to the forefront. There is a reminder, well you have forgotten once again. You are different. You know you are. This doesn't make you better than anyone, or special in any sense. Just different. You forgot, so why are you comparing now?
Then it lies dormant again, the darkness. One does not fight the darkness, one copes. It is neither friend nor foe, it is just there, a part of you. You manage and cope, as you would if you lost a limb, or an eye. And you do the best you can. It is the same with all of us with the darkness, our own darkness. All those of us who experience it, grasp for those moments of glimmers of hope of others who are suffering like us, but we all know, really, this is journey that we have to make on our own.
It will pass.